Snagged from a much passed around mail...
A Halloween Safety Public Service Announcement As we all prepare for the
upcoming Halloween season, please take a few minutes to read some simple
rules to help keep everyone safe.
1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if
it's really dead.
3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
4. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!
5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they
should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in
the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so
be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
6. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.
7. Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are
missing!
8. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
9. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to
any other house of the dead as well.
10. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out
that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET THE HELL
OUT!
11. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short
circuits; JUST GET OUT!
12. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
13. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason
for it. Don't stop and look around.
14. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know
what you're doing.
15. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least
twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the
fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's
still moving fast enough to catch up w ith you.
16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior
such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,
and so on, kill them immediately.
17. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed
here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you
recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
18. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the
nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is
strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead.
You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
19. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example:chainsaws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane
torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased
companions.
20. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to
move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible
fashion.
If you follow these rules, you should have a SAFE Halloween experience.
New! Check out my review Blog:
Book Love
| WriYe: 104,025/100,000 | WC October: 1,582 |
| Subs: 85/50 | Accepts: 4 | Rejects: 74 |
Bold, beautiful and compassionate. She had giant brass balls, a woman speaking out and leading others to a better place in a environment that oppresses and degrades women just because. And she served as Prime Minister, twice, in a world that just wanted to destroy her. We, as a common people, have lost a piece of something too great to be contained in a mortal shell today.
