Hello, my name is Garrett, and I can scratch my back with my toes. It's not that I'm all that flexible, but I just lost all my toes in a speeding piano/farm animal accident. Long story. So now I carry my toes around in little sandwich bags and pull them out when I need to scratch in hard to reach places (like scratching Renaldo, my midget friend, when he's hiding behind the refrigerator). Anybody who knows me knows I'm a hard working guy who's easy to get along with. I won't step on your toes if you don't step on mine. (Sometimes this might be hard for you because I sometimes leave them on the break room floor after playing with them. If you could just pick them up and throw them in my Lego box that I keep in the breakroom freezer, I'd appreciate that.) I'm here to make new friends, and not really to meet women. My motto: Toes before hoes (I have exactly ten people I can count as friends. So I call my friends my little toes).